I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want to make out with him forever
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
