nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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