i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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