i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
