So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
