when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize