He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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