Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
