After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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