HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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