i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
