I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
