come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
