I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
