ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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