he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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