Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
