I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
