every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
