"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pants are for mortals
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
