playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
