i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
