Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
