Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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