i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
