Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
