watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
