You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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