He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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