He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
