bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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