I think scott just propositioned me for sex
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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