I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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