I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
