Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
