I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
