You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
