do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
