I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
