nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
