If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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