Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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