Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
