Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
