I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
