How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
