dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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