I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
