You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
