Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
did i walk over a car last night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
this is an emotional support booty call
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
