I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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