OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
