you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
