the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
